Hi! If you’ve been wondering who I am…
I’ve hesitated with sharing my identity with you until now… mostly because this is super vulnerable and because of my profession as a singer/songwriter. After thinking more about it, sharing everything with you all would do more good than harm. So here it is.
My name is Alyssa. I live in Rochester, New York and I have a band called Roses & Revolutions.
This is me in my element! 🎵
I want to share with you my reasons for doing this blog.
When I was a kid, I was always skinny and tall. I could eat whatever I wanted and never worry about a thing.
As I got older, around age 14, I started to develop a different relationship with food. After school, I’d come home and finish off the bag of Doritos in the pantry, have the last few cookies in the container, basically eat a bunch of stuff- knowing that it all wouldn’t agree with me, I’d get a stomach ache, and just poop it out. Terrible… I know.
But I didn’t think it was an issue…
I was playing soccer and staying in shape. When I quit soccer around age 17, I noticed I started gaining weight. I didn’t really care… I didn’t consider myself overweight or anything. Plus, I had more important things to worry about than having the scale at 150.
By age 18, I graduated high school and decided I wanted to lose some weight. I became obsessed. I worked out 3 times a day. I barely ate anything during the day, and then just had whatever my mom made for dinner, but in a small portion.
Food was an enemy of mine. If I ate something I felt guilty about, I’d work out immediately to “work it off”.
I remember one time in specific – I ate a whole bag of tortilla chips with salsa, enjoyed it but also felt immensely guilty the whole time. When I finished, I went to the YMCA and ran on the treadmill. It gave me the worst stomach ache.
Something was wrong here.
But I just wanted to be skinny(er).
I finally got down to 135 lb at age 19 and felt great, but it wasn’t enough. I eventually got down a few more pounds and my mom sat down with me and asked what was up? I didn’t look healthy anymore.
People I hadn’t seen in a while said I looked sick (wrong thing to say to someone, by the way).
Enter Matt… we started dating, we went out to movies, dinner, etc. He loved me for me and when I gained the “Love pounds”, I didn’t care.
7 and a half years later, I’m still struggling with my weight. I don’t feel confident or happy with myself a lot of the time. But I should, that’s the problem most of us struggle with.
As a woman in the music industry, I am constantly being judged and criticized. Just when you think those days are over, they’re not.
I look up to the women in the industry who are defying the definition of “perfect”… perfect body, revealing clothes, a ton of make up…
Bishop Briggs, K Flay, Billie Eilish … just to name a few.
These women are stunning… but they don’t wear corsets and crop tops (which is totally cools, too). In fact, their own, humble style is what makes them beautiful to me. They let their music do the talking.
Let me be clear- I don’t think and never did think I had an eating disorder. Maybe I’m wrong- but I know a lot of people go through way tougher times than I described.
I’m doing this to finally figure out how to have a healthy relationship with food. I’m doing this to feel better and healthier inside and out. I’m doing this to get off of my acid reflux medicine.
I’m doing this to be real with you all. I want you guys to feel like you’re not alone if this all sounds familiar.
So, there it is!
Welcome to my story! Let’s do this! All positivity, all day💪